Spillings!~

i have so many things to share.. i have so many issues to let out.. i have so many ramblings to.. hmm.. ramble?
but the laziness in me is a monster.
i got home on sunday, its tuesday and iam still walking around like a zombie.

i want to talk about my holiday.
i have learned many things that i wish i knew beforehand.
i realize that not having a car is like.. death sentence.
i realize that i have the best family in the world.
i realize that i have the most understanding friends in the world.
i realize that, i also have friends who uses me,laugh at me when times are good, but walk out when the times are bad.
i realize that iam too nice to some, so i end up being step upon.
i realize that, iam strong.
i realize that iam funny :)
i realize iam too laid-back, to the point of being horizontal
i realize that no matter what, i have 2 homes
i realize people are not who you expect them to be
i realize things dont turn out the way u plan them, but if it should happen, it WILL happen.
i realize that, i know HOW things will turn out, but still i get disappointed
i realize, when there is a will, there is a way
i realize that i have some friends who will do ANYTHING for me.. but some who will do NOTHING for me..
i realize that, iam able to adapt to any situation
i realize that i can be sensible when i want to
i realize that ive grown up.
i realize that, now, more than ever, i want to get a place of my own.

and i realize, i miss so many things while i was on holiday.
i miss English tea.
i miss summer cherries and strawberries.
i miss my smoothie maker.
i miss baking
i miss my oven
i miss my bed
i miss my room
i miss my mom
i miss working
i miss dr.who
i miss my telly
and i miss my radio.

i shall post more stuff about my holiday.
posting pictures becoming such a hassle, my lazy monster just quips and say 'ah, forget it, lets watch some telly'

oh gosh i miss the telly!

Let me in on your secret..

iam home
iam home.
iam finally home.

because things are the way they are!~

iam loving office work since i get to sit here, facebook-ing, youtube-ing and just surf in the world wide web!
fine fine.. its not my real job, but iam taking care of the family's office, and its fun..
very legal, i get scared with every single call, thinking its the police asking me they need legal papers to arrest people!
iam crazy like that!

so, iam not sick anymore.
that good news.
and iam loving this holiday.. i get to do nothing.. and loooooaaadddsss of things at the same time.
weird i know.
i went to Malacca, my hometown. the reason i call it my hometown is because i was born there.
but its changed! i cant recognize anything.. well.. i could actually.. the petrol station near my house, the barber, the scary hospital..
and i had massive fun with my girls.. for them to actually stand my request was.. unbelievable amount of patience!!!!
and we were summat like a wildlife rescuer!!! because we encountered crocodile, snakes and cats!
its all funny!
tons of pictures.. but i cant upload since i have no idea where my cable!!!
ezu, if ure reading this!!! bring ure laaappppiiiieeee!!!!

i have the house all to myself, and the car tooo..
the devil in me tells me i should drive the car.. and ignore all em roadblocks around KL.
but survival instinct kicks in, and ive been a good girl.

iam hoping to catch the latest installment of batman with the family!
so, here's to another weekend.
never plan, and always expect the unexpected!!!

cheerriiooosss everyone!

All these things that i have done

iam currently on a holiday.
started off with a bang, since i was up till 6am everyday talking...
then yesterday, woke up with the biggest headache/migraine in the world.
i actually felt like fainting, which scared the hell out of me.
i actually bailed out from a party session! thats how sick i was.
the family was actually worried, the 2nd bro fed me with drugs (calm down, it was just paracetamol) and the 1st brother suggested i went to the doc.
today is a brand new day.
the doctor is suspecting a viral fever, but still unknown.
this weekend is a short trip to malacca.
iam dead excited, since all of us are going.. i mean.. not ALL, but most of us.


i should make a vow to see and meet all em old friends that i havent seen..
so.. give me a shout, and we shall meet for a mamak session..
how does that sound?

i miss home... i miss my bed.. and most of all, i miss my telly..
and PLEASE!!!
under no circumstances you people should tell me what happened in DR.WHO finale!!!

I sit here and wonder, how worse can things be?

'If first you dont succeed, dust yourself off and try again'

well, just by reading that, iam sure u guys guessed it, i failed my test.
iam feeling.. anger, denial, depression, acceptance.. and.. a whole load of nothingness.

i told to a couple of people around me, i dont mind failing if i caused massive accidents or putting lives in danger. i dont mind failing if i deserved to be failed.
but i failed on something so minor, i feel that god has been unfair..

'god throws things that HE knows you can handle'

work was shitty as well, since its the beginning of the month, so all the last month's financial things has to be done..
the moment i stepped into my bedroom, i stayed in a corner and just.. stare into nothingness...
the urge to cry is there.. but iam thinking.. why am i crying?
because i fail a test?

i feel like crying because in my head, ive let everyone down.
and thats just a shitty thing to feel.

'Things happens for a reason'

my body is just tired.
mentally, physically, and emotionally.
iam numb to the point.. when i accidentally banged my head on the wall, i felt nothing.

i need to find myself