Hurt

Johnny Cash-Hurt

I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
upon my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here

what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt

I will let you down
I will make you hurt

if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

Its a bit gloomy isnt it today's post?
It was suppose to be a quiet sunday nite,but the telly was showing 'Walk the Line'
i remember watching it years ago, and i remember watching this video back then.I remember watching the video and seeing the sadness in his eyes. If iam not mistaken, the video was shot 8 months before he died. he also died 4 months after his wife passed away.
Looking at him, uttering the words 'what have i become?'
its sobering.he clearly seeks forgiveness for all of the things he has done..

and watching the movie, i gotta say. For him to go cold turkey off drugs, just brilliant.
how often and how many people are brave enough to do that? i mean, not just drugs.. but all other addictive things.
how easy is it to go cold turkey off ciggies, shopping, spending, alcohol, self-destruction etc.
its not. i havent done it (my spending is waaaayyy tooo addictive).
so here iam, laying on me bed, listening to him saying over and over again..
'what have i become'

i think it prompt me to think.. when iam all old and wrinkly, i would like to ask myself 'what have i become' and i hope to answer it will all honesty and with no regrets,
'i have done everything i wanted in life'

goddammit, what is it about sunday that makes me thinks of all this grown-up stuff?
and the freaking wind outside!!!!!!!!!
i swear, if we wake up to a clear road, i will personally go down to help me aged and volunteer myself for a week.
heck, its not like i lead a busy working/studying life now.

but then again.. tonite.. after hearing 'hurt'
i feel like i need a good cry....