memories!~

had a late nite chat with mum tonite.
found out things about family that i didnt know about.
just found out that i have a lost uncle. he ran away from home when he was young, and we never met him. heard stories that he married a chinese lady and he was working in dubai.
so, in my head, i have pictures of all this long lost cousins that i know nothin about.
perfect strangers, but we r connected by blood. blood is thicker that water they say, but sometimes i doubt it.

my mum told me, before she left malaysia, she told my brothers if anythin happened to her, i was their responsibilities.
iam not ready to lose her and i still havent gotten over losing my dad. its been 6 yrs, but i still think of him and miss baving a father.
no one knoes about this, i keep a happy face and not talk about it, but i cry thinkin about him. having the best dad and losing him in an instant is hard. i kept a happy face the year he passed away, so that no one would talk to me about it. i assume ignoring all this sadness will make it easier for me to grief, but its not.

i still havent confront the grief head on. i dont know if i will ever get over losing him. i dont think i should. if i do get over losing him, it means i will never remember him, and i cant do that can i? coz he is my dad.

all this emotional 'dad grieving' is because eid is around the corner. and how fun it was for us when we were kids. he would cook in the morning, my mum would bake cookies a week prior to eid and we would go off and play with firecrackers. its the simple things that i miss. alan use to put up new curtains, ecuan would sweep and mop around the house and i use to wash all em cookies container and dry em. all ready for cookies. we would change the sofa covers, we would take out our best china and our best tablecloth and lay it out. we would wake up early and wear the best clothes.
i know things have to change, we grow, we change, things change, ppl change, situations change but i would love to go back to one of those days. and i would trade anythin in the world just to do that.


but, with everythin changing, i shall keep one tradition. i shall bake chocolate cake for eid.
and with family coming down this friday, we shall make new memories, dont u think?